by Carol Fredrickson, Violence Free
Recent studies reveal that nearly 30% of school age children
experience bullying. Bullying can range from taunts, teasing, racial slurs all the way to death
threats. Bullying most often begins as a verbal tease and can escalate to physical violence and
even to school shootings. The consequences of bullying are far reaching ranging from lower attendance
and student achievement to increased incidents of violence and juvenile crime.
Bullies often choose victims who appear vulnerable, who are anxious and those that don‘t stand up for
themselves. They target those who are isolated, have few friends or are new to the neighborhood. Bullies
find the children with a lack of self-esteem. Bullying is about cruelty and power.
The signs of bullying
- Reluctance to go to school
- Increased anger with no obvious cause
- Drop in grades
- Torn clothing
- Missing possessions
- Increased anger with no obvious reason
- Excessive cuts or bruises
Bullying by girls is often more subtle and harder to detect than bullying by boys. Bullying by girls
is often teasing, spreading rumors and social exclusion. Boys tend to use more physical aggression than
girls. Boys tend to bully both boys and girls, while girls are more likely to victimize other girls.
Studies show that 30 % of 6th - 10th graders say that they are involved in
bullying either as the perpetrator or the victim. Studies show that bullies often come from
dysfunctional families and the children are in need of love and affection. Many bullies are c
urrently being bullied themselves by a parent or a sibling or were bullied when they were younger.
Children who bully are more likely to become violent adults while victims of bullying often suffer
from anxiety, low self-esteem and depression into adulthood.
Victims of bullying experience a range of emotions and their self-worth is called into question.
Some school children say "it‘s like being stabbed in the chest" and "you feel like
there is something
wrong with you." Often victims of bullying feel a sense of shame along with the worthlessness.
Children & Teens who witness bullying at school suffer from a less secure learning environment and
the fear that the bully may target them next. They also fear that teachers, parents or other adults
in their lives are either unable or unwilling to control bullies.
If you suspect that your child is being bullied it is necessary to intervene quickly. However, you
must be sensitive to your child and the fact that many children are reluctant to tell their parents
for fear that they will be disappointed or ashamed. They sometimes fear that the parent will not believe
them or think less of them because the child didn’t fight back.
- Initiate conversations with your children about bullying.
- Don’t expect your kids to solve the bully problem themselves.
- Work with your child to develop assertiveness and conflict resolution skills.
Bullying often happens on the school grounds after hours and on school buses. Some principals and
parents have very poor responses when children come to them when being bullied. They will say,
"Toughen up." and "If only you would act like a young lady this wouldn’t continue." This kind of
remark changes the victim’s behavior; it does not address the bully’s behavior. A number of schools
are indifferent to acts of bullying feeling that this is an adolescent’s rite of passage. This often
causes children to transfer to other schools, as that is the only way that they can stop the bullying.
Does your child’s school have an anti-bullying policy? If not, urge the principle to develop and
implement a strong policy and intervention plan. This plan should involve students, parents, teachers
and school staff.
Clearly, understanding and taking seriously the dynamics of bullying behavior among school age children
is essential if we are to succeed in creating a safe environment for our children. We need to support
our children and teach them that other people do not define who we are.
Carol Fredrickson is President and CEO of Violence Free, based in Phoenix, Arizona. She is an expert in violence prevention who speaks and consults across North America.
© 2002 Violence Free
If you would like permission to reprint our article in your company newsletter all you need to do is e-mail us at safety@violence-free.com
or call us at 623-242-8797.
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