I am a supervisor at a manufacturing company, and yesterday I had a situation that I think I could have handled more effectively. An employee was extremely angry and came to me with a problem. The first thing I did was to put my hand on her arm, and I told her to calm down so we could discuss the issue. She became irate, yelled a little and then stormed out of the office. I admit I am not that skilled in dealing with problems, especially angry people, and feel as though I created a bigger problem. I tried to help; what else could I have done? -sorry

Sue Says: Most people dislike confrontation, especially when it involves anger. However, if the anger is not defused or handled properly, it can lead to bigger problems such as diminished respect, a loss of boundaries, verbal abuse and perhaps even physical violence.

Carol Fredrickson, president of Minneapolis-based Violence Free, is a violence prevention expert. She said that when someone is angry, it is important to know that the anger often is about them, not about us. Try not to take it personally.

When you are confronted by an angry person, your first objective is to de-escalate the anger. Don't worry about the reason for the anger of the facts of the situation; you can deal with them later.

Fredrickson offers the following tips for dealing with angry people:

• Do not touch anyone who is angry; angry people need personal space. Keep a distance of 2 to 4 feet.
• Move to a neutral environment if possible.
• Don't tell an angry person to calm down or be too quick to offer your opinion or advice. Telling someone to calm down often triggers more anger.
• Allow the angry person to do most of the talking.
• Avoid interrupting unless it is to clarify something.
• Speak in a calm, neutral tone of voice.
• Ask open ended questions, such as "Tell me more about the situation."
• Be aware of your body language; make sure it matches your verbal message or the situation will escalate. Keep your body open, hands visible and watch your tone and inflection.
• Don't think that you have to resolve the issue at the moment; an angry person is not rational

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